It’s the Thought that Counts

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It’s the thought that counts. The thought can make your marriage happy or miserable.

  • Miserable: Another freakin’ hike through the wildflower preserve, just to keep her in a decent mood.
    Happy: Feels good to have her hand in mine. I don’t know what she sees in this place, but look at that happy crinkle in her eyes. I think I’ll kiss her every time we pass a black-eyed Susan today.
  • Miserable: He’s impossible to shop for. Guess I’ll just grab a gift card and call it done.
    Happy: I really don’t enjoy shopping for gifts for him, and he seldom appreciates what I buy. I think this year I will invite him to an evening picnic on the beach, like we did in college.
  • Miserable: I’m as tired as she is, and I’m cooking dinner. It won’t be done for an hour, and she’s just sitting there watching TV instead of getting the bills paid.
    Happy: Gee, I love cracking eggs. Have since I was six. Never broke a yolk yet. Maybe I should make an angel food cake this weekend.

Same circumstances. Different thought. Different marriage.
Tell me about a time you changed your thoughts and fell back in love.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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  • Cooking!
    Miserable: I make all the meals, often three meals each day. No one is bringing me food while I work.
    Happy: He’s the easiest and most appreciative guy to feed. He never takes the effort for granted. AND I can say “you cook tonight.” Translation: We go out or get take away.

  • Miserable: That room is still not usable for any other purpose than storage, full of her stuff we’re never going to need. I wish I could burn all that clutter. I hate clutter. I think I’m going to lose it any moment now…
    Happy: Instead of having extra storage room our new apartment has an extra living room. This also means the clutter needs to be organized at some point. And truth be told, she has had it really rough this spring and it’s pretty great we have an option to store things away from sight for a few months.

  • What a great turnaround, Rachel!
    Too many miserable thoughts, and you might start thinking you would be better off divorced. And you would probably feel so horribly cheated you would not realize until it was too late that divorced people also need to prepare three meals a day and get up from working if they want food, and they don’t get to say “you cook tonight.”

  • After reading this, I started a little journal called Why I Love Charlie (on my BlackBerry because it’s fused to my hip now).
    Then I forgot about it.
    I just stumbled across it. The two entries made me smile. I added two more.
    What a really great way to remember the fabulous moments I have with him and how they, and he, make me feel.
    And maybe someday I can make them into a gift for him.

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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