When you’re in a marriage, you cannot ever win a fight with your husband or wife by shouting louder, being tricky, offering more rational explanations of your side, or marshaling friends and relatives to agree with your point of view. You cannot win by causing the person you married to lose. The only way to win is to make sure both of you come out the other side pleased with the outcome...
If you read yesterday’s post, you know that step one in finding a Third Alternative is to jump the net and step two is to write new specs. Now we are ready for step three. Step Three: Brainstorm! Sometimes, one of you can do the brainstorming on your own. You look at your new specs and ideas start popping. Suddenly, there it is. The Third Alternative, the one you will like as much as you...
If you read yesterday’s post, you know that step one in finding a Third Alternative is to jump the net. Step Two: Write New Specs Those first two ideas, the ones you disagree about, can keep your thinking stuck. To find something else you both like as much begins with a list of specifications for making you happy. Your first two options won’t work as solutions, but they give you a...
Seems about time to summarize what I learned when my first marriage died. I learned three really key things that help me enormously in my second marriage. They have also helped a lot of other husbands and wives rediscover the best parts of their marriages. When you find yourself distressed by something your mate does or fails to do, Assume Love. When you find yourself needing more than your...
It happens in a lot of marriages. One spouse starts saying no to sex so often that the other stops asking. Or, worse, that partner begins demanding, whining, or insulting. a huge turnoff that seldom leads to a blissful intimate moment. What’s the solution? Surely it is not the remedy doled out by a French judge this week, ruling that the uninterested spouse pay the other more than $14,000...
