Having an affair is so common that the vocabulary of most languages has a name for it. Even so, it usually induces rage or despondency when the other spouse learns of it, except in those rare consensually open or polyamorous marriages. But what do you do when that rage or despondency is yours? First, acknowledge this as a severe breach of trust and of your marriage vows or at least the default...
Best-selling self-help author Barbara Sher always said, “You cannot be modest about your gifts, because that’s arrogant. They aren’t yours. You didn’t think them up and work for them. They were there when you were born.” You can’t be proud or ashamed of being tall. It wasn’t you who did that. But when someone short needs helping reaching something, you...
Small annoyances can become big marriage problems. What do I mean by small annoyances? Socks on the floor, cap off the toothpaste, water on the counter, putting a milk container with just one ounce of milk back in the refrigerator without buying more or putting it on the shopping list, leaving things on the passenger seat of the car, going missing while you’re shopping, getting out of bed...
Do you know your spouse’s main Love Language? If so, remember to use these two words often. Quality Time – “I’m available.” Keep time free in your year, your month, your week, and your day. Make sure it’s truly free: no phone calls, checking your phone, running errands, zoning out, nothing but whatever it is that the most important person in your life wants to...
Until I was so suddenly widowed, I did not understand fairness in marriage. I was feeling in the months before his death that I was stuck with the lion’s share of the effort. It felt so unfair. It’s hard to enjoy being married with a feeling like that, and I imagined the cure was for him to assume more of the responsibility and effort. I was wrong. The day after his death, this became...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
