I write a lot about expectations, not so much about wants. But it can be so important to make a distinction. If you expect to go out with your spouse and tango, watch a play, bowl, or listen to a soulful saxophone, you feel hurt when it doesn’t happen. This is what couples do, you might believe, and not doing it brings into question how permanent or how deep your connection really is. When...
An interesting research study out of the University of California at Berkeley and Northwestern University this week highlights another possible difference between you and your spouse. It has to do with the 5-HTTLPR gene, one that has been studied a lot over the last decade. This gene helps regulate the transport of seratonin (aka 5-hydroxytryptamine or 5-HT) as messages are relayed along your...
This October, I am once again challenging myself to write blog posts daily. It also serves as a challenge for my marriage: I cannot write when I am upset with my husband or he with me. I need to practice what I preach or no words come out. This makes me wonder about my first marriage, back when I had no idea I could do anything about my unmet expectations or that my first impression of what...
Couples who do things together that both of them enjoy don’t grow apart. Over time, though, the things you each enjoy change. You injure your knee, and suddenly tennis is less fun. The crowd at your favorite dance club changes, and you want to go less often. You’ve taken three Spanish classes together, but you still don’t have the money for your trip to Argentina. Sometimes, it...
You and that guy or gal you married need time to laugh and play and have fun, time when you do not talk about work or the kids or whether to replace the clutch or the car. Often, when play is an option, we drag along children or friends. So go twice if you must, but get out and have some fun with your sweetie. Tickle each other’s vagus nerves. Here is some fun scheduled for next weekend: A...
