Today, I went to the cemetery to plant some flowers on the grave of my first husband. This would have been his 60th birthday, except he died 25 years ago. While I was there, I buried my fears. I put them in the dirt under some petunias and left them there in New Jersey. As I dug out the weeds and readied the soil for the beautiful pale yellow and dark red-purple flowers I had brought with me, I...
This question brings people to this blog from time to time: Should I stay married for the kids? They ask it of Google or Yahoo! or Bing and arrive here. It is a noble question, a sign of maturity even to ask it. I was once one of those kids for whom a couple stayed married, so I can tell you there are some real plusses. We continued to be able to afford a house and a yard in a good school...
I tuned in to a bit of Dr. Phil’s show again today. He had on reality TV celebrity couples with relationship problems. As always, they complained about each other’s habits, and he told one or both of them to change or expect to wind up divorced and alone. Here’s my thinking: No! My goal is not to get a marriage only to the point where it won’t self-destruct. And it is...
This mess of a marriage we have is NOT my fault. Why should I be the one to change? I have heard this question from people who do not see why it would help to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives. I have even asked it myself before that horrible day that opened my eyes. So perhaps you ask it, too. Here’s the thing. Should is the wrong word. When you ask why you should be...
I just read this quote about marriage in the Times of Malta: Marriage does not end with divorce but the moment a couple stops loving and respecting each other, Michael and Juliet Mifsud believe. They are a happily married couple, married for 16 years. They are both Catholics, but they favor a divorce law, the subject of a referendum in Malta yesterday. I do not disagree with the Mifsuds about the...
