CategoryAbuse & cheating

Should Rihanna Forgive Chris Brown? Wrong Question


What I did not get until my first husband died is how difficult relationships can be when you ask the wrong questions about them. Should Rihanna forgive Chris Brown is one of those questions. It takes you to all the wrong places, hides the truth you need to succeed. Should she forgive him? It will probably make her life a lot happier to do so. Should she be alone with him again? A very different...

The Loving Perspective, Part 5


Yesterday, in Part 4 of this series on how to explain a loving spouse doing something that upsets you, I wrote: “I am not talking here about pushing, shoving, hitting, cutting, damaging something especially dear to you, making remarks known to bring you to tears or render you helpless, or repeating angry outbursts or making threats until you fear being in the same room as your mate.”...

Is Your Marriage Anyone Else’s Business?


This issue always comes up during election years, doesn’t it? Some of us find the news that a candidate left his wife for his mistress a bad sign. Others want to forgive it as a mistake or simply keep everything about a candidate’s personal life off-limits. I would argue, though, that marriages matter. They are not entirely private. They are not entirely our own business. Yes, we make...

The Stupidity of Cheating


Some folks cheat on their wife or their husband to put one over on them, to win at some game of deception. They might get more sex, but they lose intimacy. You cannot feel close to someone you treat as your opponent. You cannot feel known by someone you must lie to. You cannot have a close relationship and one on the side. Some folks cheat because they feel they deserve it. They continue to...

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Is This Emotional Abuse?


Emotional abuse can do just as much harm as physical abuse. While anyone can hurt you physically, someone who knows you as well as your husband or wife does has a real advantage when it comes to doing emotional harm. What is emotional abuse? It is using whatever causes a person fear, anxiety, embarrassment, shame, or rage for the purpose of manipulating them. If you argue with your spouse to the...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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