The Road Back to Love
When your husband or wife pulls back from your relationship, gets distracted by work or a hobby, or says, "I love you, but I am not in love with you," that's scary. Your lifestyle, your family, your home, your wealth, and your self-esteem may all feel on the line.
And you may very well feel it's unjustified, unfair. This makes you angry.
You may even feel you have no control as things go downhill. This makes you sad.
And so you withdraw or you attack. Suddenly, there is no "we," just a "me" in need of protection.
But there is no way back to love except through love. Defensiveness does not work. Criticism does not work. Contempt does not work. Stonewalling does not work. Withdrawing does not work.
What works is looking for all the reasons you are grateful to have this person in your life. What works is creating brief moments together when everything is great, while you stare at the stars together, laugh at something funny together, savor a victory together, or create something together. What works is saying thank you, reaching out with a tiny, gentle touch, staying fully present in a conversation, and showing up even when you fear you might get hit with anger or, worse, ignored.
The only road back to love is through love.