My three favorite techniques for a happier marriage are Assume Love Expect Love Find Third Alternatives I thought it might be interesting this week to do a short series on how to tell if you are doing them correctly. When you Assume Love, you are deliberately counteracting your default assumption. Because you are human, most sensory input first passes through a filter whose assumption is always...
My mother’s birthday is coming up shortly. Will you help me give her a great birthday gift? She started a blog about alternative medicine and old-time remedies this year, and she’s a really good writer, but she’s not yet getting many comments. Unless you write a blog, you may have no idea how great those comments feel. Comments that ask a question are better than double fudge...
Do you ever feel taken for granted? Do you long for a thank you? For more in return? Or maybe for some help with all your responsibilities? I know I do. And I know a bunch of other Boomer women who do. We grew up expecting we would be supported by a husband. Then we fought for the right to get a good education, to work at something jobs not open to our mothers. We worked at breaking those glass...
I write a lot about expectations, not so much about wants. But it can be so important to make a distinction. If you expect to go out with your spouse and tango, watch a play, bowl, or listen to a soulful saxophone, you feel hurt when it doesn’t happen. This is what couples do, you might believe, and not doing it brings into question how permanent or how deep your connection really is. When...
An interesting research study out of the University of California at Berkeley and Northwestern University this week highlights another possible difference between you and your spouse. It has to do with the 5-HTTLPR gene, one that has been studied a lot over the last decade. This gene helps regulate the transport of seratonin (aka 5-hydroxytryptamine or 5-HT) as messages are relayed along your...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
