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How Not to Ruin a Great Gift

I received this note recently from a reader of this blog. She gave me permission to share it with you.

The income from their small start-up business has taken a dip recently. They are blowing through savings faster than they would like, and things get rather tense at times for them, as they do for many of us.

Another great 'assume love' story....for mother's day my husband bought me a couple of big fluffy blue towels...I was pretty embarrassed opening them in front of my folks...and kinda quietly 'fuming' on the way home.

But then I thought of the 'assume love patty magic', and in my sweetest voice I said, "Honey, that was so sweet of you to get me those nice towels..."

He reaches over and says, "I want you to have the very best. I'm really trying to provide great things for you."


What can I say, thanks again!

There is a very good chance your spouse also tries hard to show you how much you are loved--even when you accidentally interpret this as embarrassing. You can assume your amygdala knows best, or you can assume love and do a double-check before you ruin a great gift.


The old double check has saved my hide and a lot of trouble many a time. An excellent example of Assuming Love! Hope you have a stellar weekend, Patty!

This post made me start to cry! I am so glad this woman used your great advice. See how her spouse responded? I'm wondering if my parents might still be married if my mom had thought the same way about the microwave he bought her. Maybe he was just trying to make life easier. They'll never know.

Now you've got me in tears, Tammy! Thanks for sharing this.

Hmm, just wondering about a phrase my partner uses and, by the way, so does my father to my mother! It goes like this:

Him: Are you going out for lunch today?

Me: No, why?

Him: I saw something for the house this morning. If you go out at lunch time, you might want to get it.

Me: What is it darling?

Him: A fireguard. I told the guy in the shop I would send you in as whatever I chose would be wrong.

Me: ?

Why do men (in my experience) "do" this to women? I have heard friends' boyfriends/partners/husbands say the same sort of thing. It seems like a cop out, and puts them in "victim" role, because they are damned if the do and damned if they don't!

That is such a great question that my answer is today's blog post, Susie. You will find it at

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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