I just received the sad news last night that infidelity support expert Peggy Vaughan has died after a four-year struggle with cancer.
Before she left us, Peggy made sure her Extramarital Affairs Resource Center website, DearPeggy.com, would live on. Her great body of work is still there to help those hurt by an affair or heading for one. So is her Beyond Affairs Network (BAN), offering in-person support groups in cities around the world and now run by Anne Bercht.
Bookmark the DearPeggy.com website today. I hope you never need it, but I want you to know where to find it if a friend does. Peggy has left us free downloadable PDF copies of all but two of her books. 150 of her articles. Answers to more than 450 questions. And her story, including both her husband’s affairs during their first 25 years together and the heartwarming story of their second 25 years together. (They celebrated their 50th anniversary seven years ago.)
In fact, you might want to check it out today if this foreboding description of the start of their marriage sounds familiar to you:
We had a beautiful wedding on May 29, 1955, with all our friends and family. The joy of being together was dampened by the serious way I approached my role as a wife. I was dedicated to working very hard and doing everything that could possibly be expected of me. I had a full-time job, took three courses at school, and still tried to be the perfect housewife. I cooked biscuits every morning. I made homemade rolls each week. I ironed a white shirt for James to wear every day to his part-time job downtown. In short, I submerged myself in my new role.
You, too, if this description from her husband James rings a bell:
The conclusion [to his discussions with other men of the surface issues with their wives]: “Women are different. They are emotional. They don’t deal with things the way we (men) do. That’s the way they are. We’ll never be able to understand them or change them, so we may as well accept them as they are. It’s tough to live with them, but tougher to live without them.” Slowly, but surely, I joined the mass of men who view women not as individuals, but as members of a mysterious group.
This is a great body of work, and it has helped many, many people already. How wonderful that it will continue to do so now that Peggy has left us.
Let me close with a tip of the hat to another woman with a great body of work, Diane Sollee, for passing along Peggy’s request that we make her website known to everyone who might need it. Diane’s website is SmartMarriages.com, and you could get lost for days in all that it offers us. Thank you, Diane. Rest in peace, Peggy. Enjoy being married, dear reader.