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5 Helpful Things to Discover Before You Marry

Thinking of getting married? Probably the least useful thing to learn about him or her is how well you share a bathroom or kitchen. Here are some more useful things to find out.

  1. What is his or her Love Language? How comfortable are you using it?

  2. What are his or her 4 or 5 top Character Strengths? Encouraging the use of these strengths in work and play will provide lots of opportunities for admiring your mate and for him or her to experience flow and satisfaction with life.

  3. Who does your intended dream of becoming? Do children matter? Wealth? Public service? Leisure? Athletic, artistic, or business accomplishments? Rural or city life? Fast-paced or laid back? How do these fit with your plans?

  4. How does he or she handle stress, frustration, and loss? And your responses to stress, frustration, and loss? Will you be able to remain present for him or her while dealing with them, or do these coping strategies trigger your own hot buttons?

  5. Your new spouse will change over time, but most likely not in the ways you might plan. If who you see today is the best that he or she is capable of becoming, will you continue to respect and cherish this person?

You can keep yourself out of a lot of marriage pitfalls if you learn all of these before you marry. And if you are already married, discovering them now may help you get out of any you have fallen into.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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