Will Divorce Fix the Problem?

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When married life is frustrating, divorce can seem like the only way out. But it is well worth asking, “Will divorce fix the problem?”
One celebrity reporter, certain that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are on their way to divorce, writes in The Daily Beast:

Sources close to the power couple say both Will and his actress wife have strong personalities that have clashed one too many times of late.
“They just kept butting heads over the kids and other personal issues within the marriage,” said a former long-time employee of the Smiths. “Jada’s independent and focused, and Will likes to be in control. Someone has to agree to give in and that wasn’t happening anymore with them.”

Clashes over the kids don’t get fixed by divorce. All divorce does is force the couple to make more decisions with less communication. It also allows either of them to force the other to hire lawyers to defend their choices before a judge. Staying married and hiring a mediator would surely be a lot less expensive and a lot easier on the kids.
Clashes over personal issues? “Someone has to give in” is not true. The two stands we choose for these personal issues are almost never the only two available to us. No one has to give in if even one offers to begin a search for a Third Alternative that both will like better than the first two. And with money like theirs, they can enlist some incredible expertise to help them find more options.
Could anyone think a person who likes control would be happier with a mate who enjoys being controlled? Or that an independent and focused person really seeks a dependent and unfocused mate? I have no idea what these two celebrities are really up to, but the description of what might be tearing apart their marriage seems to suggest they are mismatched. I disagree.
If you’re focused, it’s very helpful to have a mate who keeps external forces under control. If you like things under control, a mate who has the focus to reach her goals can provide a lot of help keeping them that way.
Divorce will not fix either of these problems. Marriage education just might.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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