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Marriage Tips from a Long-Married Wife

This is a guest post written for Assume Love by Elizabeth H. Cottrell.

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 39th anniversary. In case you haven't already covered these "secrets," I share them now:

Listen to each other — REALLY listen, and confirm that you've heard by saying it back, "So, am I understanding that what you mean is...?"

Physical touching every day is so important — a full body hug, a quick hug around the waist, a sneak-up-behind kiss, and an "I love you."

Don't assume your spouse can read your mind. He/she can't and it's so unfair to think (or act like) they can.

Forget the giving 50/50 to a willing to give 150%.

The worst advice I've ever heard: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." If you hurt your spouse or you did something stupid, you've GOT to be willing to say "I'm sorry." It can diffuse so much anger.

All of this, of course, is in the context of a normal relationship. I realize that pathological or toxic relationships may need a whole different set of rules :-).

Elizabeth H. Cottrell (@RiverwoodWriter) helps committed life-embracers learn to strengthen four essential connections: with Self, with Others, with God, and with Nature. She blogs at and is on a mission to revive the art of personal note writing! At, Elizabeth offers writing, editing, self-publishing and online visibility services.


If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like growing old with someone, and hating every minute of it, Elaine Choi is more than happy to give you a glimpse of what it’s like.

Elaine, an intern at Zócalo Public Square, writes about her grandparents’ 65+ year marriage- full of loyalty, loss, but definitely no love.

To check out Elaine’s article, go to:

Please feel free to share this tale of bitterness with anyone else you think might be interested.

Thanks, and have a great day!

I'm writing this as I need to blow off steam and see if I am right or wrong about getting mad at my husband. I was busy Sunday afternoon catching up with work. My husband and I weren't planning on doing anything. His family calls him up to invite us somewhere. He automatically says he'll go since I was working, but didn't even bother to ask if that was OK with me. Next thing you know he just tells me..."hey honey, I'm going to such and such place with my family. I'll see you later!" I was furious he didn't bother asking me if that was OK. I let him know too. Should I be mad? Thanks so much!

great blog and very helping tips for successful & long life marriage.


Thanks, Kapil!

This question is such an important one that I have answered it in a new blog post,

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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