Want Commitment? Let Yourself Be Judged

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Because I went to a university with a 15:1 male-to-female ratio and found myself a widow at age 34, I have a little experience with dating.
One big mistake people make while dating, assuming their goal is to find and marry a great guy or gal, is trying to duck being judged.
They do what they believe others want or expect, hoping to be selected as good enough to commit to. They fear rejection. All they manage to do is postpone rejection until after the wedding, when it hurts more and costs more.
If you seek a marriage partner, dating is the proper time to judge and be judged. Let yourself be seen and known and judged. Perfect the art of bouncing back from rejection, sure in the knowledge that while you may be able to convince someone to date you, you must find a spouse.
Commitment requires that you judge and let yourself be judged.

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Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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  • I sometimes feel funny about how much I love the Assume Love blog, since I’ve never been married. But reading the blog has helped me make big shifts in how I approach dating and in what I think about when I envision a future with a particular man. I’m learning to sort out what to be flexible about and what’s non-negotiable, and far more than I thought is in the “flexible” pile. But one non-negotiable for a partner of mine is that they have to want to be with me — the REAL me. This post’s point should be obvious, but it’s easy to lose sight of in the moment, particularly with a date who is very attractive!

  • That is a great inflexible, Roodle!
    When you discover you’re on the wrong bus, your best move is not to try to persuade the driver your route would be better for him nor to wait for him to guess where you’re headed, but to get off the bus and wait for another.

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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