Four Ways to Look at Your Current Mess

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Let’s say you intended to stay home with your babies, but now your full-time job is the only way to pay the rent and buy the groceries. Or perhaps you have a burning passion to launch a business, but it is not practical right now, because you want to be available to get your mate to dialysis appointments. Or you are this close to a college degree, but you cannot register for courses next semester, because your wife’s mother is gravely ill, four states away.
It is a mess. You don’t like it. Your mate will get hurt if you do as you please. People will look down their noses at you. But you feel frustrated, maybe even cornered. So you snarl. And you lose your wife’s respect. Or you drive your husband back into dead silence, with no communication.
You have four ways to look at your mess:

  1. Marriage is a trap. Your mate lost a job, got sick, or made a promise to a relative, and now you are stuck picking up the pieces.
  2. Marriage is hard work. Sometimes you must sacrifice, but your turn to be on the receiving end will come.
  3. Marriage means commitment and commitment means putting yourself second. You will get your reward in the afterlife.
  4. Marriage has nothing to do with your mess. Married or not, you would do the best you could for your kids and you would lend a helping hand to those in your life who need one. Marriage is not the source of the problem. Instead, it is your best opportunity for love and support as you look for a creative way around your current obstacles.

You choose. And what you choose determines how you feel about the mess, about your mate, and about your future.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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