Declare Your Independence without Filing for Divorce

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Almost all of us feel stuck at times, stuck with responsibilities, routines, and chores, stuck heading in whatever direction we set off in for our lives, stuck living the way we have been living. All of us do. Married folks do, dating folks do, single folks completely on their own do.
But when you’re married, it looks for all the world like your spouse is holding up the barricade keeping you from going in a better direction. Very seldom is this true.
If you feel stuck, declare your independence, but not from your mate, the one person in the world who probably cares as much about your spirit as you do. Declare your independence from that outdated life or career or routine.
Then get to work with your mate on some Third Alternatives for the things that must change in your lives. And remember the goal of looking for Third Alternatives: get what you need while giving your mate the moon and the stars. Don’t ask your mate to pick up any responsibilities you drop; ask him or her to help you find Third Alternatives for those responsibilities. Don’t ask your spouse to take an intolerable financial risk just because it seems worth it to you; ask for help finding ways to fund your leap of faith. Don’t just announce you are moving out; ask for helping getting more personal space, more privacy, more quiet, or more of whatever that new place offers.
You may discover your husband or wife is delighted with the new you, with the security of being consulted instead of dumped, and with the respect of being asked to help you live life well.
Happy Independence Day!

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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