Pay attention to Steven Stosny’s wonderful advice about using at home the communication techniques you learned in the therapist’s office or in a book.
In Marriage Problems: How Communication Techniques Can Make Them Worse, Stosny writes:
Early in your relationship you chose to feel connected, just as, if you’re thinking about communication techniques now, you’re choosing to feel disconnected.
Stop and think:
Don’t think of how to get your partner to do what you want or, if you prefer the euphemism, how to “communicate” with him/her. Rather, ask yourself these questions:
Do you want to feel emotionally connected with your partner?
How curious are you to learn his/her perspective?
Do you care how he/she feels right now?
What do you love and value about your partner?
Instead of manipulating your partner, how about reconnecting and looking together for a Third Alternative that provides what you need without manipulation?