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Stop! Before You Communicate Anything...

Pay attention to Steven Stosny's wonderful advice about using at home the communication techniques you learned in the therapist's office or in a book.

In Marriage Problems: How Communication Techniques Can Make Them Worse, Stosny writes:

Early in your relationship you chose to feel connected, just as, if you're thinking about communication techniques now, you're choosing to feel disconnected.

Stop and think:

Don't think of how to get your partner to do what you want or, if you prefer the euphemism, how to "communicate" with him/her. Rather, ask yourself these questions:

Do you want to feel emotionally connected with your partner?
How curious are you to learn his/her perspective?
Do you care how he/she feels right now?
What do you love and value about your partner?

Instead of manipulating your partner, how about reconnecting and looking together for a Third Alternative that provides what you need without manipulation?

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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