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Lean Into Marriage Issues

Some folks scream bloody murder when things don't go their way in a marriage. Others avoid conflict. Neither works.

Both of these involve pulling away from your marriage, distancing yourself from your partner in life. Harder to do, but much more likely to succeed: lean in. Get closer. State your case and affirm your love.

Be sexier (not pushier) when you ask for more sex, even if it risks a harder fall if you're turned down. Be kinder, more generous (not more demanding or whining) when you seek favors, even though it means you might have a bit less to fall back on if you don't receive what you're after. Be more fair in other areas if you feel some area of your relationship has become unfair.

Why? Because we learn to handle our relationships like a dance. If one pulls away, the other follows at a constant distance or pulls back as a counterbalance. The way to change the dance is to lean in, inviting your partner to lean in, too, or to lead somewhere new.

Lean in and trust this person who fell in love with exactly who you are. Don't demand your mate solve your problems, but give him or her the opportunity to help you solve them. Lean in.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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