Last Saturday, I received a wonderful treat in the mail. Seth Godin sent me an advance copy of his new book Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, due for release on October 16th. In the tradition of his earlier books, it’s short, a great read, highly inspirational, and the sort of book that gets you thinking, rather than telling you what to do.
What it’s got me thinking of are ways to reach out to other wives and husbands and life partners who long to be well-loved. There are so many of us. Seth writes, “[i]t takes only two things to turn a group into a tribe:
- A shared interest
- A way to communicate”
I invite you to communicate with comments on this blog and by asking questions and sharing your viewpoints in the teleclasses I offer through EnjoyBeingMarried.com. Our shared interest, how to be well-loved, provides plenty to talk about. And we need each other, because it’s way too easy to slip into thinking the only answer is to turn our partners into someone other than who they are: the very people who committed themselves to us.
We need many leaders. We need family leaders, the folks who reach out to troubled spouses in their extended families to help them find their way through trying times. We need leaders among marriage educators and marriage counselors. We need leaders at work, too, who create marriage-friendly workplaces through policies and practices and training in the skills we need for relationships both at work and at home. Seth writes:
“Managers are the cynical ones. Managers are pessimists because they’ve seen it before and they believe they’ve already done it as well as it can be done. Leaders, on the other hand, have hope. Without it, there is no future to work for.”
Your job title might be manager (or trainer), but your role can be leader.
Seth also says:
“I think most people have it upside down. Being charismatic doesn’t make you a leader. Being a leader makes you charismatic.”
We need you to lead us. Read the book. Join the tribe of well-loved husbands, wives, and life partners. Stand up for lasting, loving relationships. Help those in your life to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives.
This is right for so many reasons!
I love the concept of creating our own tribes, especially with other people who either have or are working to achieve happy marriages.
I definitely need to get Seth Godin’s new book. Thanks for the recommendation.
Hear, hear! I had an epiphany last night, that what we are trying to do is not just to help people communicate better, but to help people help people communicate better.
These communication skills work so much better when everyone involved is familiar with the techniques and has learned the skills. And we can’t teach everyone ourselves. So we don’t just want to help people become good communicators, we want to help people become good teachers of communication, so they can share all this with their loved ones and anyone else with whom they communicate.
That’s my take on it; what do you think about that?
Pace, before I answer your question, let me tell my readers what a great couple of websites you and Kyeli offer on nurturing relationships and how much I like your perspectives. I hope they will visit both. (Start with the link in Pace’s comment, then jump over to the other from the link there.)
OK, now the question. Do we want folks to share what we’re writing with their loved ones? You bet! Just remember to get permission first. Do tell your friend who asks for help with a relationship problem what you learned. Do pass along links to posts you find interesting. Don’t tell your mate, “You’re doing this wrong. You should do it this way.” Let them be the judges of whether it’s the right technique for them.
And remember that communication is only one part of a relationship. An awful lot of your relationship goes on inside your own head. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to change it there. When you’re angry, for example, it’s one part what your mate did, one part what you expected, and one part what meaning you automatically assign to actions that likely have very different meanings to your partner.