What Do You Need?

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Are there things you need but aren’t getting from your spouse? More encouragement? A bigger bank account? A little private time? Someone to really listen when you talk? Before you let needs ruin your marriage, try this little test.
1. If you wake up tomorrow to learn your spouse died overnight, will you still need it?
2. If so, must you remarry in order to get it?
3. If so, will you be willing to marry someone who doesn’t love you just to get it?
If your spouse isn’t the one responsible for your need, if it’s not something you can get only from your spouse, and if it’s not worth a loveless marriage, the best way to keep the love alive in your marriage is to stop blaming your spouse and start involving him or her.
What’s the difference? Blaming starts with “You don’t…” or “You won’t…” Involving starts with “Will you help me think of some ways I can…”

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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