If you Assume Love when upset by your mate and you Expect Love to show up in forms you never dreamed up, you will inevitably overlook one or two of your spouse’s failings. You won’t overlook crushing debt or being shoved or burned with a cigarette, but you might overlook an unkind word intended as an insult. You might overlook a missed anniversary or a failed promise to pick up your...
When you get married, pay close attention to all that is good and right about the person you choose. Pay close attention to the ways this wonderful man or woman makes you feel great about life, about love, and about yourself. Your new husband or wife will someday reveal weaknesses, envy, selfishness under stress. Those will be temporary. The goodness, the integrity, the honesty, the justice, the...
What do you remember most about when you first met your husband or wife? Other than the physical attraction, what impressed you? Was it his or her zest for living? Integrity? A great sense of humor? That love of learning? His or her leadership skills? Or sense of responsibility for the poor or the environment or the members of his or her team? Was it surprising creativity? Great kindness or...
Emotional abuse can do just as much harm as physical abuse. While anyone can hurt you physically, someone who knows you as well as your husband or wife does has a real advantage when it comes to doing emotional harm. What is emotional abuse? It is using whatever causes a person fear, anxiety, embarrassment, shame, or rage for the purpose of manipulating them. If you argue with your spouse to the...
Sometimes, I don’t like my husband. When this happened in my first marriage, I would search around for all the other reasons not to like him. I would get a good grump going. But, as you know, waking up a widow changed my perspective. Now, when I don’t much like my second husband, I smile. I smile because I know the reason. I am frustrated, not getting something I expect from him...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
