I love that jingle: “What would you do for a Klondike bar?” As kids, we did all sorts of crazy things for the smallest of prizes. Better yet, we challenged each other to do things for a prize. Play is how children build the skills they need to survive life’s scarier moments. Play feels like fun to make sure they will engage in it. As a couple, we need to play together, too. It...
Would a stranger observing the two of you call your marriage loud or quiet? Loud is just fine if every angry outburst is matched with at least five exuberant or encouraging ones. How can you go from angry to encouraging? Assume Love. Quiet is just fine if it’s shared intimacy and respect, rather than passive-aggressive resentment. How can you go from hurt to grateful? Expect Love. And how...
Does one of you worry more than the other? Ever wonder what you could do about this? All that extra worrying gets to be pretty annoying to the one who thinks there is nothing to worry about. And all that nonchalance just gives the worrier more to worry about. Treat it like any difference of opinion and shoot for a Third Alternative. To find one, you first need to let go of your original positions...
Some folks cheat on their wife or their husband to put one over on them, to win at some game of deception. They might get more sex, but they lose intimacy. You cannot feel close to someone you treat as your opponent. You cannot feel known by someone you must lie to. You cannot have a close relationship and one on the side. Some folks cheat because they feel they deserve it. They continue to...
So many of the folks who have figured out the secret to fame and fortune cannot figure out how to stay married. Olivia Wilde eloped with her Italian prince at age 19, but she was divorced in 2011 after just eight years together. Elizabeth Hurley’s second marriage, to Arun Nayar, also ended in 2011. It lasted only four years. Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss lasted only 16 months. They were...
