Does it make sense sometimes to give in on a difficult disagreement, just to keep the peace? Sure. If it will keep the peace.
But peace is not measured only in loud words, slammed doors, and angry muttering. It is most harmed by silent resentment.
Never say yes if you’re not OK with the results.
Keep looking for that Third Alternative.
In my last blog post, I wrote about leaning in instead of withdrawing if you want to invite that utterly non-judgemental, altruistic, fabulous feeling of love for your spouse to keep visiting you. When your husband or wife behaves in a way you don’t expect a loving person to behave, the best thing you can try is to Assume Love. Assume Love does not mean surrender. It does not mean ignore...
Marriage offers some great feelings, not the least of which is orgasm. But there is one even more fabulous feeling. It’s that feeling when you are overwhelmed with admiration, awe, caring, kindness, and gratitude for another human. Your vagus nerve warms your chest. Your eyes widen. Your face softens. All of your selfishness washes away, and you are filled with altruistic thoughts. A...
Imagine you recently discussed with your spouse replacing your aging car. The discussion did not go well until you dug down far enough to understand that layoffs are a near-term possibility where your spouse works. Your spouse knows how much you want a new car, but you’re not a crazy risk-taker. You agreed it makes sense to wait before buying that new car. Now, you’re watching a...
I’ve owned a few businesses, some on my own, two of them with partners. For tax purposes, it’s important to be clear whether any person I am working with is an employee, a self-employed contractor, or a partner. An employee does what I want, how I like it, and when I want, typically at will, which means either of us can end the relationship if we’re unhappy. A self-employed...
