What if other people find it easier than you to be married “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,” just because the first couple years of their lives were different from yours? “I’ve got your back” sounds reassuring to the majority of people. And not too much to ask in return. They have what we call a Secure Attachment Style. They...
If you don’t want to drift apart or discover you’re only communicating about kids and car maintenance, it’s a good idea to schedule dates with your spouse. Make those dates even better using Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. All five are good for sustaining marriages. One or two of them are so important to your spouse that skipping them leaves an empty feeling. So...
I have written before about how few marriage skills I acquired from growing up with my parents, who were staying together only for the benefit of us kids. Today I want to speak in praise and even awe about my son and daughter-in-law. Theirs is a cross-cultural marriage lived in three very different countries, and they’ve been going strong for 22 years already. Her parents are in an arranged...
Does it make sense sometimes to give in on a difficult disagreement, just to keep the peace? Sure. If it will keep the peace.
But peace is not measured only in loud words, slammed doors, and angry muttering. It is most harmed by silent resentment.
Never say yes if you’re not OK with the results.
Keep looking for that Third Alternative.
In my last blog post, I wrote about leaning in instead of withdrawing if you want to invite that utterly non-judgemental, altruistic, fabulous feeling of love for your spouse to keep visiting you. When your husband or wife behaves in a way you don’t expect a loving person to behave, the best thing you can try is to Assume Love. Assume Love does not mean surrender. It does not mean ignore...
