Recently, I had a stimulating discussion with two highly intelligent and articulate women half my age. One of them introduced me to a new name for having sex with people other than your spouse but with your spouse’s permission: ethical non-monogamy. When I was in high school, swingers was what we called consensual spouses having sex with other partners. They went to sex parties together or...
I have been thinking a lot lately about all of the friends and loved ones of mine who have died. I’m sure I was annoyed or even really angry at most of them at some point. But this is not what I remember. I remember what they taught me about how to make the world a better place. Some lit up a room with their smiles. They were the same people who showed me how to ask the right questions to...
The quality of a marriage is not so much the result of what our spouses do as how we see it. Imagine you’re married. A few nights ago, when your wife asked you about your favorite childhood gifts, you could remember none of them. What you remembered was the delicious pancake breakfast on the morning of every one of your birthdays. Those were special, you told your wife, a professional...
Fifteen years ago today, on Valentine’s Day of 2006, I launched this blog to share some thoughts on marriage. I am so proud of the body of work that has followed. To see all of the posts, I hope you will visit the Archives. My very first post, so that I could link to it in the sidebar ever since, was Don’t Pretend Love You Assume Love when you take a second look at what your spouse or...
A big part of why people feel the desire to get married and remain married is the very pleasant boost of the neurotransmitter dopamine. New experiences, different from those we’ve previously experienced, and the anticipation of such new experiences both cause the release of dopamine in our brains. Over time, even an enjoyable activity loses its ability to produce dopamine. This is why...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
