I have written before about how few marriage skills I acquired from growing up with my parents, who were staying together only for the benefit of us kids. Today I want to speak in praise and even awe about my son and daughter-in-law. Theirs is a cross-cultural marriage lived in three very different countries, and they’ve been going strong for 22 years already. Her parents are in an arranged...
Marriage offers some great feelings, not the least of which is orgasm. But there is one even more fabulous feeling. It’s that feeling when you are overwhelmed with admiration, awe, caring, kindness, and gratitude for another human. Your vagus nerve warms your chest. Your eyes widen. Your face softens. All of your selfishness washes away, and you are filled with altruistic thoughts. A...
Recently, I had a stimulating discussion with two highly intelligent and articulate women half my age. One of them introduced me to a new name for having sex with people other than your spouse but with your spouse’s permission: ethical non-monogamy. When I was in high school, swingers was what we called consensual spouses having sex with other partners. They went to sex parties together or...
I have been thinking a lot lately about all of the friends and loved ones of mine who have died. I’m sure I was annoyed or even really angry at most of them at some point. But this is not what I remember. I remember what they taught me about how to make the world a better place. Some lit up a room with their smiles. They were the same people who showed me how to ask the right questions to...
The quality of a marriage is not so much the result of what our spouses do as how we see it. Imagine you’re married. A few nights ago, when your wife asked you about your favorite childhood gifts, you could remember none of them. What you remembered was the delicious pancake breakfast on the morning of every one of your birthdays. Those were special, you told your wife, a professional...
