How often do your fears keep you from seeing what’s really going on in your marriage? Fear of debt can turn your husband’s generosity or normal risk-taking into a sign you’re unloved or unsafe. Fear of being alone can force the two of you into activities neither of you has any real enthusiasm for, until you’re both married to low-energy, unenthusiastic people. Fear of...
Vanessa reached her front door as her two preteen kids gathered their beach gear from the backseat of the car. She put the key in the lock. As she turned it, she knew her marriage was over. John hadn’t changed the lock.
The question of the day in Compuserve’s Family Forum was addressed to those who have divorced. It asked whether changing expectations in your marriage led to the divorce. I want to share my reply here. Yes, my changing expectations led to divorce, or darn close to it. When my husband died very unexpectedly just a day after I told him my long list of unmet expectations led me to believe...
Mike’s watching a baseball game on TV. Melanie wants him to go with her to the nursery to pick out some flowers for the garden. Melanie knows if they don’t go soon, they won’t be able to plant tomorrow. Recently, gardening’s been the one activity they actually enjoy together. She walks into the family room and asks Mike when he’ll be ready to go. He doesn’t...
My advice to Assume Love applies only in a marriage or another relationship in which both partners have made a commitment to the longevity of the relationship. Until then, it might be wise to Assume the Worst. When you assume love, you deliberately seek out evidence of your mate’s love for you. Any actions with an ambiguous cause you can safely attribute to love because you have a partner...
