Becky Blanton posted this comment on Facebook in reply to my Love and Fear post, and I want everyone to see the answer, because it’s such a great question. I wanted Mexican, my friend wanted Chinese. Using your Third Alternatives I suggested getting take-out at both and having a picnic. My friend pouted and insisted on Chinese or nothing at all. I’ve since dumped selfish, annoying...
Fear drives out love. That tense knot in your chest keeps your heart from melting when it should. Disagreements create fear, both fear of needing to give up being yourself to stay married and fear of losing the kindnesses, respect, shared moments, courage, and teamwork that marriage offers. Third Alternatives end the disagreement, end the fear, and let love flow. One of the best ways to stay in...
About your marriage, that is. You can. The three secrets I discovered a day too late put a lot of power in your hands. Secret #1: Assume Love. When something happens that makes you wonder if your wife has no respect for you, if your husband no longer cares about you, or whether you ought to stay together, Assume Love. Your lizard brain, the one that protected so many of your ancestors who lived...
Sometimes, what your mate proposes just doesn’t work for you. It seems too risky or scary or it asks too much of you. You can’t say yes. Ron wants his wife Ronee to see the Grand Canyon with him. He thinks they should fly out there this summer. She would love to see it, but she’s terrified of flying. She says not this year. She wants to make Ron happy, and it makes her feel...
Someone who has participated in my Enjoy Being Married teleclasses – we will call her Joan – wrote me last week with a long-running problem. I think it may sound pretty familiar to a lot of us. Her husband – we will call him John – is a serious man, quiet, hard to read, off in his own world at times, and not very good at telling a story. He’s not a people person...
