Give Up – It’s Too Hard, Says Adam Levine

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“If you don’t get married, you can’t get divorced. Why couldn’t we learn from the devastatingly low percentage of successful marriages that our last generation went through?”
This quote from Adam Levine is all over the internet this week, attributed to a cover story in Nylon Guys, a fashion magazine, whose own link to the interview comes up with a 404 error.
I am a big fan of The Voice, where the Maroon 5 lead singer is one of four judge-coaches. I cannot imagine him telling someone on that show who hopes for a career in the music industry to give up, despite their much, much, much smaller odds of success.
I would like to suggest he learn instead from all those who have succeeded at marriage, including many of you who read this blog. You have been through awful periods and come out the other side closer for the struggle. You have had those moments, perhaps in a hospital emergency room or delivery room, where you knew marriage was a great choice.
You have been furiously angry at your spouse until you recognized the vulnerability that led to his or her mistake, and you have been awed for this intimate and uplifting view of another human being. You have also been ecstatic over your big trip together or your joint family reunion and savored those memories for years, long after you let go of souvenirs from the things you did with men or women you dated while you were single.
I wish he would talk to you. And tell Nylon Guys or Huffington Post or the New York Post or Cosmopolitan what you said that convinced him it was worth trying. And I would wish you would clip those articles and hang onto them for the days when you forget your dream of being one of the majority whose marriages go the distance.

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Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

4 Comments

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  • Agreed Patty. Dynamite post. However, I know many people who may have benefited from never getting married or at least giving it some thought before doing so. Even Tammy and I need not have been. We are very lucky that we had enough in common and enough patience to get to where we are.

  • I think it’s an Adam Levine song that goes, “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies…” and I think that is what people expect when getting married. It can be mostly that, if you work very hard. I think marriage is totally worth it! We have a ton of fun, and I am giddily in love with him. I make myself sick. 🙂
    Thanks for letting us know about this, Patty. I had no idea!

  • Ah, I agree, CJ. There are many reasons for a particular couple not to marry. Writing off the idea of marrying a particular person can be a wise move. Writing off marriage in general as too difficult just removes the impetus to break off such relationships quickly or to invest enough in them to give them a chance of succeeding.

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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