Assume Love (TM): How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change (daisy logo)

« Sharing Love When You Don't Share Interests | Main | Planning Your Marriage Proposal? There's an App for That »

Going Through Tough Times

Are you going through hard times? How do you know?

Perhaps your spouse lost a job. You two have less money. You have no way to predict when he or she will work again. Almost certainly, you would approach the job hunt differently. Is this tough times? Or is it exactly what you hoped for when the two of you were working long hours, the break that lets you spend more time together or change up the split of chores before you're both hard at work again?

Whether these are hard times or a blessing depends entirely on what you compare it to. And if you compare it to times with more income and more status, it will feel like hard times. Rather odd, since viewing it as hard times is one way to push yourself to harder times: life as a single parent or as two unhappy people who share a bedroom but not life. Maybe life without a job is not so bad after all.

Have you developed a life-threatening or chronic illness? Does this mean these are tough times? Or are they good times, when you really lean into the benefits of having a life partner and learn to receive as much love as you give? When you stop obsessing about things that really don't matter as much as life and love? When you rediscover how much you need all your friends and how they can free you to love your husband or wife more freely?

Every change can be experienced as positive or negative. It all depends on what you choose to compare it to.

And isn't this a powerful thought?


Agreed Patty. The second you change your mind set to glass half full on EVERYTHING life really turns around. I had to train my mind to be like this. Now even serious ill health doesn't throw us. When my hubby was hospitalized, sure it was very stressful and scary but we always looked at the pro's like meeting funny people in the same ward, the nurse who said "you want potato's" each meal time, the opportunity to buy rot your teeth candy.... All the little things that make you go "well whilst we're here let's have some fun".

Life is so much better for me this way. Stay positive, try and look on the bright side and if and when you can't allow yourself to have the odd blue day but after that bounce right back and go again.


Wow, Grace! Good for you! I still have my "half-empty" days, but I see over and over how much more I enjoy the ones when I find my "half-full" perspective.

When my husband lost his job it was difficult for a while. But facing the difficulties made us closer because it was a challenge we faced together. He worked long hours at home building his own business. The little things we did to keep our spirits up were very important in getting us through that time and strengthening our relationship. An example: We couldn't afford to eat out as much as before, so every Friday afternoon I would declare Happy Hour and ask him to stop work early so I could serve homemade hors d'oeuvres and drinks in the living room. Now when I look back at that time I don't think of the struggle as much as I think of the fun we had.

I think it was William James that said that the greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. Or in your words compare them. An excellent reminder, Patty!

im agree with every word of Rosemary best weapon and very nice post patty

Post a comment

Your comment will appear only after Patty confirms it's not spam. Thanks for your patience, and bah humbug to those who submit all that junk for making good folks like you wait.

The Author

Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

Follow Us

Enjoy Being Married

The Best Marriage Bloggers
2011 Hot Marriage Blog Award - Liufu Yu |
Grow Your Marriage Award 2011 from The Generous Wife
Top Ten Marriage Blogs of 2011
Top Ten Marriage Blogs of 2010


Creative Commons License

This weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
TM Assume Love is trademark of Patricia L. Newbold