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Own Your Own Needs

CJ, half of the husband-wife team who write The Great Jolly Hoombah blog (2017 update: sadly no longer online, so I have removed all links to it), hit me with an intriguing comment recently.

He said the idea of owning your own needs in a marriage is "counter-intuitive." He wrote, "Owning our own needs in a culture so thoroughly enabled to do the very opposite is a tall order."

And so it is. But if you're not entirely enjoying your relationship with your mate, you might want to read my reply to CJ, which appears as a guest post today on Tammy and CJ's great blog.

While you're visiting their blog, be sure you check out:

  • How they completely revamped their lives so they could spend as many moments together as possible

  • What they have done with the idea of Date Night

  • What happened when Tammy Assumed Love — spoiler alert: she calls it a "small, life-changing moment"

  • And how they found that elusive shared hobby so many couples are still looking for

I admire what they did to put their marriage and health ahead of everything else in life. And I love the way they write.

Here, by the way, is the Assume Love post that led to CJ's comment: Ask for What You Want from Your Spouse. And my reply is here.


I usually have way too much to say. I think here, a heartfelt thank you and WOW, are apt. I cannot recall a nicer act than your post about us, Patty. Looking forward to more comments on your post here and over at our place!

Patty, we are so deeply touched by your comments. I am not sure this house has ever been speechless, but you did it tonight. CJ, my calmest of calms, was stammering.

Your writing has inspired us to do better, be better. We are honored to have you on our website. You will forever be our First Guest Post Love!

Tammy, CJ, I think you two will inspire a lot of couples to step out of the crazy cycle and into the sort of relationship that nourishes them. I am very happy to share your story. I am also most grateful for the opportunity to talk about what we stand to gain from owning our own needs and rethinking what is our fair share of the work of a shared home and children.

Great articles and great find Patty. I doubt I would have discovered Tammy and CJ's site for quite a while. Thanks for pointing out and excellent guest post job.

Big love

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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