Today I thought I would share three ways to make your husband easier to love. Can I stop with just three? I must, or what will I write about tomorrow? OK, here goes:
- The next time you get upset at whiskers on the sink or socks on the floor or crumbs in the den, check the clock. When your unhappy or angry feelings finally subside, check it again. Now measure how quickly you can clean up his mess and feel good about your home again. Which one improves your mood faster? Neither of them changes his behavior. For this, you need to Find Third Alternatives together. Your improved mood will help there. It will also help you receive and enjoy any kisses or kind words or thoughtful acts he might offer. You want these, don’t you?
- Another way to make your husband easier to love is simply to avoid mocking him or complaining about him to others in his presence. The male chemical soup of hormones makes it much harder for them to be loving when such things happen. It just does. Husbands are a lot easier to love when they are showing us love.
- The third way? Treat your marriage like one long Easter egg hunt. Go looking for love. If your parents love showed up at the dining room table, look for yours in the bedroom or the garage, too. If your friend reports being loved during the workday, look for yours after dinner or over breakfast. If you were expecting to find love in the form of cash, make sure you don’t overlook the eggs containing supportive words, physical delights, and becoming truly known and accepted. The more love you find, the more love there will be to find, so never look in just one place or for just one type.
Know what’s great about all three methods? You don’t need any help convincing or teaching your husband to become easier to love. You can just let him be himself and turn it all around. For me, it took the death of my first husband to discover this. I want you to discover it before it’s too late. Make your husband easier to love this week and let me know how it goes.
Patty, thanks for this. Your insights are always right on. Assuming love has made our good marriage even better. Wish I had known about the principles you espouse in 1987 when we were both depressed and were thinking of divorce. We’ve been through more than one firey trial together, as you know. But oh, what a richer life we have together for it.
Thank you, Sue. I hear from so many who managed to avoid divorce how much richer their lives became as a result. May you be the encouragement for someone else to follow in your footsteps today.