We Need to Stop Spending So Much Money

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Having trouble communicating about the issues in your marriage? You may not be speaking the same language.
“We need to stop spending so much money.” It’s a simple statement of an opinion, yet an utterly uninviting, unencouraging one. We could use some alternatives.
“I’m looking forward to doing a lot of things together after the kids are grown and we’re retired, so could we please brainstorm a few ways to put more money into our retirement account?” [A better approach, especially if your spouse values quality time together.] “May I repair this for you instead of getting a new one?” [A good approach for a loved one who sees love in doing things for each other.] “I want to shower you with great gifts — not a bunch of flowers, but an entire garden, not a new comforter for the bed, but an entire new bedroom, not new gadget for the kitchen, but a kitchen where you’ll feel right at home. I want to buy a house for you, and I’d like your help to think of ways to afford it.” [An inviting way to appeal to spouse who loves to receive gifts and views them as sign of love.] “I want to spend more long, loving Saturdays in bed with you. Where could we cut costs on stuff that hardly matters, so I can spend less time working and more time with you?” [Works for a mate who especially enjoys the physical side of love.] “Let’s skip the club this Friday so we can get up early on Saturday and play tennis. I love watching your serve.” [Works if you two have gotten into an expensive rut and your spouse eats up your loving respect.] What would work with your mate? Let me know in a comment. Thanks!

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Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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