Let Go of the How to Find the Why

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When you are looking for Third Alternatives (win-win endings to your disagreements), you must let go of the how to find the why. Let me show you what I mean.
One wants to go by car. The other wants to go by plane. Why?
One wants to go by car to see the countryside between points A and B. The other wants to go by plane to avoid being the driver on such a long drive. Third Alternatives?

  • Ask a college student with a good driving record to drive in exchange for free transportation.
  • Take a bus or train.

One wants to go by car because flying is scary. The other wants to go by car because it will save almost $1,000 in lodging, meals, and gas. Third Alternatives?

  • Take a flying anxiety reduction course before the trip.
  • Raise the $1,000 through overtime work, a cake sale, or selling unused camera equipment and skiing gear.
  • Find folks to stay with along the route and bring food from home to bring the price difference down to one easier to bear.

One wants to go by car to avoid feeling stuck with the in-laws when they get there. The other wants to go by plane because it means less lost work time during a busy season. Third Alternatives?

  • Fly and rent a car.
  • Fly and find a local friend to take them away from the house.
  • One drive, the other fly.

Same disagreement. Same sense at the beginning that it’s an either-or choice where one will win and the other will lose. Lots of options to make both happy, once they get at the why for either and or.

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Ultimate Blog Challenge website in new window
This is post 1 of 31 this month, when I am going for the Ultimate Blog Challenge as I did (successfully!) last year. I will also be joining the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association (of which I am not a member, as I write for people of all faiths) in their 1/2 Marathon Blog Challenge for the first 13 days of the month. I hope you will check out some of the folks in the marathon, as there are some great blogs in the CMBA.
There is something about the gorgeous autumn colors and the chill in the air that makes taking it up a notch feel so right. I hope you enjoy the extra posts and find something valuable in them.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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