Here’s my take on how to enjoy being married. You don’t work on the relationship. You work on enjoying it. Remember when you enjoyed it? Remember when you were thrilled about getting married? Remember those times you felt so close and so in love that you spent half the day thinking of ways to delight your mate? It wasn’t work then, was it? Well, that’s what I mean when I...
I received a wonderful email this morning from a new reader. She had reached out on Tuesday for help with a situation that infuriated her. Things had gone from bad to awful in the course of a couple hours. She sounded very doubtful whether she could bear a lifetime with her man. I explained how to Assume Love. And how to avoid pretending she felt loved when she did not. Today, she wrote...
Give this a try. Tell me what you think of the results. Every day, your husband, wife, or life partner loves you. Some days, it’s easier. Others, it’s a bit harder. When he or she feels misunderstood, needy, or mistreated, it’s a bit harder to love you, but you get loved nonetheless. I am not talking about the feeling of love but the acts of love. These are conscious choices to...
In yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, Lunch Break columnist Elizabeth Bernstein offered great hope to anyone in a less-than-perfect marriage. She reported the results of a study by Howard Markman, one of the marriage education greats I have studied with. His lab at the University of Denver followed 300 couples for five years after receiving marriage skills training. One month after training...
We all have our love languages. Before we can talk, we discover the ones that work for us. And before we know it, we’re married to someone with a different love language. Sure, you could try to explain to your mate how to love you your way, but my approach is a whole lot easier and more likely to feel like you’re being loved: Gift lover married to a quality time giver? Transition into...
