I read about some interesting research recently that relates to Finding Third Alternatives. It showed just how much people like agreement and, even more, dislike impasse. Just labeling an option “Agreement” made people in a negotiating experiment more likely to choose it, even if it wasn’t their best option. But labeling an option “Impasse” had a bigger effect...
The Huffington Post lists the big 6 complaints shared by men in marriage counseling. They are worth looking at — not as a self-improvement checklist for wives, but as a big help when you want to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives, whether you’re the husband or the wife. 1. My wife expects me to be a mind reader. 2. The late night arguments are getting out of hand. 3...
When I began writing this blog on Valentine’s Day, 2006, I was afraid. Afraid to admit to my contributions to the terrible problems of my first marriage. Afraid no one would read what I had to write. Afraid I would run out of things to say. Afraid I’d get to the same point in my second marriage and discover I’d been kidding myself about what I learned from my first...
Couples with great marriages usually communicate quite well. Those with angry marriages or who share a home but not much more usually communicate rather poorly. But does this mean better communication creates a better marriage? I don’t think it does. With a counselor guiding the conversation, it might get a marriage from combative to sort of peaceful, but I’ve never seen a couple talk...
We cannot “fix” our spouses. To do so, we would need to assume the “better person” role and pronounce as flawed the person we vowed to love and honor, revealing disrespect. Not a good idea in a relationship based on respect and sharing. The best we can hope for is to influence our spouses, to hope they will admire our choices and adopt them as their own. Short of that, we...
