We all bring expectations to a relationship. Some are life-preserving: “I expect to feel safe from violence and life-threatening conditions in our shared home.” Some are about boundaries we need to set to allow ourselves to be as vulnerable as real intimacy requires: “I expect to be free from any condition that turned deadly or life-threatening or intimidating in past...
I was stressed. And anxious. And trying to get work done. Problems kept popping up. I went to the bathroom sink to get a drink of water. The first thing I noticed was how wet the front of the sink was. Then I saw all those whisker clippings. Lots of them. My mind went right where it loves to go: what is wrong with my husband that he left this mess?! He’s a grown man! Can’t he do...
When the resentment level was rising quickly in my first marriage, I heard lots of advice about working harder at being married. So I did. And when it didn’t work, the resentment rose twice as fast, until I knew I could stand no more. No one said to me what I will say to you today. Unless you’ve been staying away, sleeping with someone else and leaving your spouse with all the chores...
You don’t worry about your spouse’s health, mental health, physical safety, career, and friendships because you love your spouse so much. It’s definitely not a measure of how much you love. And it’s certainly not a way to show your love. Think about this. When you show your husband or wife your love with a kindness, a kind word, a gift, your full attention, or an orgasm...
On this 12th anniversary of the blog, I want to address something a bit more serious than Valentine’s Day and whether our partners chose the right candy, flower, or bauble. As the news is making evident daily, a lot of people, especially women, have been seriously hurt by their spouses and life partners. Can someone love you and still hit, choke, shove, or threaten you? How can you tell if...
