I was recently asked how to set personal boundaries in a marriage. What are boundaries? They are the acts we won’t tolerate from other people. “If you hit me even once, I will call the police and file a complaint.” “If you are more than 15 minutes late to meeting me, and you don’t let me know there is a problem, I won’t be there when you arrive.”...
Imagine you’re cooking a one-dish dinner for the family. You pick up the frying pan. Your wrist gives, and dinner slides out onto the floor. What do you want to hear from your spouse? “Let me help you with that, and then we can order a pizza, ok?” “I’m hungry! How long is it going to take to fix something else?” “Your klutziness will be the death of us...
Do you remember falling in love with this man or woman you’re married to? Do you remember standing taller, even floating on air, as another human being got to see behind your public facade and admired the real you? You were transported from ordinary person to desirable, exceptionally skilled, unusually talented, fascinating you. Do you remember, too, that amazing feeling of doing loving...
If you’re someone with a lot of strong opinions, you might find it convenient to marry a “go along to get along” partner — for a while. You’ll be the one choosing who does what, where you vacation, which friends you see, what big purchases the two of you make, all sorts of things. It may even feel like you’ve married someone who’s ultra-compatible with...
We all bring expectations to a relationship. Some are life-preserving: “I expect to feel safe from violence and life-threatening conditions in our shared home.” Some are about boundaries we need to set to allow ourselves to be as vulnerable as real intimacy requires: “I expect to be free from any condition that turned deadly or life-threatening or intimidating in past...
