So you Assume Love, and you realize that your beloved life partner objects to what you’re asking for only because it conflicts with what he or she wants. Now what? You look together for what Stephen Covey, in The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, calls The Third Alternative. Commit to getting what you want and let go of the way you first thought of getting it. Ask questions and pay...
I had a great Mother’s Day weekend. Mom came for four days. My son and daughter-in-law came for an evening. Five friends joined us for brunch on Sunday, before we headed off to an outdoor festival. But it was my husband Ed that I noticed most. We have a small, efficient kitchen for one, and we seldom try to cook together. But that’s what we did for Sunday brunch. We know what sets...
My advice to Assume Love applies only in a marriage or another relationship in which both partners have made a commitment to the longevity of the relationship. Until then, it might be wise to Assume the Worst. When you assume love, you deliberately seek out evidence of your mate’s love for you. Any actions with an ambiguous cause you can safely attribute to love because you have a partner...
I’ve just finished reading You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One by Steven Stosny, PhD. What a great resource for anyone in a marriage where they are walking on eggshells! Stosny, a psychologist who runs programs for abusive men, credits his abused mother for suggesting the core of his...
Before I started assuming love, I engaged in the very popular “Isn’t my spouse awful?” game, as both instigator and player. To get it started, you ask your sister or people at work, or maybe even the stranger seated next to you on the bus, to confirm that there’s something terribly wrong with your spouse. You plead with them to agree that you’ve married someone...
