Almost all of us feel stuck at times, stuck with responsibilities, routines, and chores, stuck heading in whatever direction we set off in for our lives, stuck living the way we have been living. All of us do. Married folks do, dating folks do, single folks completely on their own do. But when you’re married, it looks for all the world like your spouse is holding up the barricade keeping...
How did you do with yesterday’s challenge to solve a toothpaste cap disagreement? A Third Alternative is a solution to your disagreement that will make both of you feel respected, loved, and in control of what matters to you. You create shared specs for your Third Alternative. They include the outcomes each of you values from your initial alternatives. They protect both of you from anything...
Married couples disagree. The ones who stay married the longest disagree just as much as the ones who divorce. Disagreements become angry battles or festering resentments only when you fall into the trap of thinking a disagreement requires a choice between your two points of view. You start out thinking Option A vs. Option B. If you argue for Option A or Option B, you lose. Jump the net instead...
It’s the thought that counts. The thought can make your marriage happy or miserable. Miserable: Another freakin’ hike through the wildflower preserve, just to keep her in a decent mood. Happy: Feels good to have her hand in mine. I don’t know what she sees in this place, but look at that happy crinkle in her eyes. I think I’ll kiss her every time we pass a black-eyed Susan...
I love this in Steven Stosny’s recent blog post: "Your best chance of changing your partner’s behavior is to change what he/she reacts to in you. Your partner is likely to respond in kind to your behavior, whether it is loving, compassionate, and supportive or resentful, demanding, and critical. "But regardless of how your partner responds, you will feel more authentic and...
