Fear drives out love. That tense knot in your chest keeps your heart from melting when it should. Disagreements create fear, both fear of needing to give up being yourself to stay married and fear of losing the kindnesses, respect, shared moments, courage, and teamwork that marriage offers. Third Alternatives end the disagreement, end the fear, and let love flow. One of the best ways to stay in...
I did not know back then. I know now. Everything we expect of marriage gets in the way of being loved, except love. Expect love.
I tuned in to a bit of Dr. Phil’s show again today. He had on reality TV celebrity couples with relationship problems. As always, they complained about each other’s habits, and he told one or both of them to change or expect to wind up divorced and alone. Here’s my thinking: No! My goal is not to get a marriage only to the point where it won’t self-destruct. And it is...
This mess of a marriage we have is NOT my fault. Why should I be the one to change? I have heard this question from people who do not see why it would help to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives. I have even asked it myself before that horrible day that opened my eyes. So perhaps you ask it, too. Here’s the thing. Should is the wrong word. When you ask why you should be...
One of the things I really like about being married is being asked questions that force me to look at things from other angles. My husband excels at coming up with these. Lately, an odd string of unexpected occurrences keeps taking me back to my roots, one of which was city planning, my college major. Not the where do we need some green space sort of planning nor the should this be zoned light...
