Eight years ago, when I first launched this blog, I defined what I mean by Assume Love and gave a lengthy example. But I left something out, and it is very important. Assume Love is a technique you can use every time your spouse does something or fails to do something and you feel anger, resentment, hurt, fear, shame, frustration, or superiority taking hold of your emotions. Any of these...
I recently read an anecdote in hedonic adaptation researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky’s latest book. She had talked to a couple in an arranged marriage and asked how they had managed to stay happily married for so long. Both said they entered the marriage with no expectations at all. Everything good or even okay was a pleasant surprise. She praised them but could not imagine letting go of her...
A lot of people find this blog while looking for the answer to this question: how can I get my wife (or husband) to love me again? The answer is pretty much the same way it happened originally. But perhaps you were not so aware then as you are now. For starters, you can stop doing anything that frightens your spouse. This often includes drinking too much, doing anything illegal or especially...
Recently a friend who has been working very hard to relieve the pain and other symptoms of her husband’s autoimmune disease said something that got my attention. She mentioned his latest problems and wrote, “I’m starting to get that this is probably always going to be a part of our life, this autoimmune disease.” She gave me permission to share with you our conversation...
I received a request for advice last month from a woman who was preparing to walk into a very difficult holiday gathering. Sometimes, when I read your requests, I think, “I am so glad I am not in this person’s shoes!” And then I put myself in your shoes to try to get a different perspective on the situation, one that might help. She and her husband had hit a rough patch in their...
