Someone who has participated in my Enjoy Being Married teleclasses – we will call her Joan – wrote me last week with a long-running problem. I think it may sound pretty familiar to a lot of us. Her husband – we will call him John – is a serious man, quiet, hard to read, off in his own world at times, and not very good at telling a story. He’s not a people person...
When you get really angry about the way your husband or wife treats you, what do you do? Do you yell or throw something, then kiss and make up later? This is not assuming love. Do you keep your anger to yourself, giving your mate the benefit of the doubt, letting it pass, but not exactly letting it go, because you are loved? This is not assuming love, either. It is what I call pretending love...
When do you feel most in love? When do you look into the eyes of your mate and melt? When do you feel so lucky to be loved by this man or woman that you could just float up off the ground? What floods you with warmth and a sense of security or a desire to protect this one special person? Is it when you are fed and pampered? When you receive an especially thoughtful gift? During lovemaking? After...
Lots of folks seem convinced the biggest cause of unhappy marriages is poor communication. They may be right, except that they try to solve the problem by saying more or demanding their mate answer their accusations. Say you start off with the wrong assumption. For example, you mistake grumpiness for criticism because, like so many of us, you’re expecting someone who promised to love you...
It’s the thought that counts. The thought can make your marriage happy or miserable. Miserable: Another freakin’ hike through the wildflower preserve, just to keep her in a decent mood. Happy: Feels good to have her hand in mine. I don’t know what she sees in this place, but look at that happy crinkle in her eyes. I think I’ll kiss her every time we pass a black-eyed Susan...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
