There is no religious theme to Assume Love. While many of you who read it regularly are Christians, many are also Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, agnostics, and atheists. We all need and value loving relationships. I seldom link to other marriage blogs, because so many base their advice on scripture. I feel bad about this, because many link often to Assume Love and because social and...
Today’s NY Times has a great analysis of the greatly increasing role marriage plays in class inequality in the U.S. Forty years ago, the top and middle income thirds had virtually identical family patterns: more than 95 percent of households with children in either tier had two parents in the home. I grew up very near the bottom of that middle income third, but I grew up with both my...
I never saw it this way before. Maybe you didn’t either. Have you heard of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s research into the state he calls flow? It’s a wonderful state, reached by artists as they create, rock climbers as they climb, writers as they write, mothers as they play with their babies, even by wallpaperers as they transform a room. Jeremy Dean gave a great summary of flow...
“Why doesn’t he lend a hand when I’m obviously overwhelmed?” “How could she spend money on this when we’re trying to save for a house?” “Why can’t he see the consequences of putting this off?” “What is she thinking when she leaves these here instead of putting them away?” In every marriage, good or bad, and quite frequently...
I have noticed a lot of marriage advice for unhappy couples encourages them to reduce each other’s unhappiness. Personally, I never found this model very helpful. There is a time for helping reduce your spouse’s unhappiness, but it’s not while you’re seeing him or her as the cause of your own unhappiness. It’s when you’re happy. It’s when love frees up...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
