What are you waiting for from your spouse? Are you waiting for more appreciation? More picking up after himself? More self-reliance when it comes to getting the computer and other electronics to work? Are you waiting for more foreplay? Less modesty in bed? Better meals? Some landscaping? Maybe weight loss? Or perhaps vacation planning? What would you do if you learned today for certain you will...
The wrong way to stay married for the kids. Sleep in separate rooms, keep separate schedules, date other people, stay angry at each other, refer to each other around the kids as “your mother” and “your father.” This is not staying married. It’s just staying. You and your kids deserve better. But divorce is not the only alternative. The right way to stay married for...
One wants to go out more. The other would just as soon stay home. It is an incredibly common difference of opinion between couples. It would be less of one if couples recognized they have lots more options. The person who wants to go out more assumes their partner wants to stay home to avoid the very things he or she values about getting out, whether it’s new experiences, better food, or...
When you Assume Love and ask how a truly loving husband, wife, or life partner could say those words, spend that money, or get that violent, beware of the alcohol explanation. Many people are quicker to anger and less diplomatic in their ways of expressing it when they drink. Most, however, cannot violate their own moral code even when drunk. If they would protect your college fund or your...
I was chatting with a couple of friends today. All three of us have had our crazy-making moments in our marriages. Some little change or thoughtless act sends us into a royal panic that makes us wonder if we’re getting a fair shake or if we ought to run for the hills. So we Assume Love, check for loving explanations of the behavior or words that freaked us out, and suddenly see the...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
