This website is for anyone who’s ever wondered if their husband, wife, or life partner really meant that “I do” or whether they are still loved today. It’s for everyone who’s found a partner but still battles with unmet needs, unresolved conflicts, and questions of what’s fair and what’s not. I learned a few things when I lost my first husband. First...
Almost all of us crave love. A few seem to get by without it, and a few more claim unconvincingly to do without, but most of us will twist ourselves into knots to be loved. Married folks who don’t feel loved enough can really feel deprived. I’ve noticed that when we crave more love from a spouse, we have only three choices. The first one many of us try is what I’d call foot...
Here’s how you Assume Love. Consider doing it every time your spouse does something or fails to do something and you feel anger, resentment, hurt, fear, shame, frustration, or superiority taking hold of your emotions: Assume you are completely loved by a wonderful person. Attempt to explain how such a person might come to do what just happened. If you can think of one or more explanations...
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, was first published in 1992. It’s been republished twice and widely read. There’s even a special edition for men. In case you’ve missed it, Chapman explains five different ways that we love and like to be loved. Knowing them makes it easier to recognize when your spouse is offering love that might not look like love to you and to find...
You Assume Love when you take a second look at what your spouse or life partner does as if you are well-loved. You Pretend Love when you act as if you’re loved even though you don’t believe it. When you Assume Love, you give yourself the chance to receive more love by looking beyond your instantaneous, gut-level reactions to events. You pay attention to what you know to be true. You...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
