Marriage brings with it responsibilities, disagreements, and unpleasant surprises. Some of them don’t make themselves known until you divorce or your mate becomes addicted to something. Thanks to the recently high divorce rate, marriage often means stepchildren, too, not to mention stepparents-in-law and your new half-brother-in-law’s son and stepdaughter. Lots of family drama...
If you read yesterday’s post, you know that step one in finding a Third Alternative is to jump the net. Step Two: Write New Specs Those first two ideas, the ones you disagree about, can keep your thinking stuck. To find something else you both like as much begins with a list of specifications for making you happy. Your first two options won’t work as solutions, but they give you a...
If you read yesterday’s post, you know how to recognize a Third Alternative: it ends a disagreement with both of you happy. Even Stephen Covey, who wrote about Third Alternatives in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, lost track of this first step when he also called this Win-Win negotiating. Almost everyone since has used this same name, and the name leads sales people, business...
About your marriage, that is. You can. The three secrets I discovered a day too late put a lot of power in your hands. Secret #1: Assume Love. When something happens that makes you wonder if your wife has no respect for you, if your husband no longer cares about you, or whether you ought to stay together, Assume Love. Your lizard brain, the one that protected so many of your ancestors who lived...
In today’s Dear Abby column, a reader writes: Every time I start to get over Guy, he comes around again. It’s like he has radar. In this case, Guy is a married man, but that’s the result, not the cause. If you are looking to get married and running into people like Guy, or if you are in Guy’s situation of being unable to choose, you need to know this. Some folks have a...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
