I have done a lot of work with positive psychologists, devising ways to use the internet to collect their data or teach what they’ve discovered. One of the most fascinating aspects of this work for me has been the study of character strengths. I see them at work in my marriage and in other folks’ relationships all the time. An example of a character strength is a sense of humor and...
We gave away a bunch of furniture last week. One couple returned three times. I loved watching them. I loved getting rid of some of the extra stuff we just don’t need, but I especially loved their teamwork in maneuvering the larger items out of the house. Not every couple works well as a team. My husband and I, for example, do not. After all these years together, we still cannot guess what...
When you’re thinking others have a great marriage and yours is so-so or worse, what do you imagine a great marriage would feel like? I think a great marriage feels like swing dancing. It’s not static and unchanging. It’s being pushed away and pulled back with just the right tension in the bonds connecting you. It’s being wrapped in a hold then spun back out on your own...
My husband and I have a few places. One is a very comfortable neighborhood restaurant and bar with good music, really friendly service, palm trees with colored lights, lots of comfort food, and an unlimited supply of fresh, hot tortilla chips. We go there when the tension level reaches a certain level. It lets us smile at life and each other again. In a way, it is a Third Alternative. My husband...
While the kids were young, Tom earned most of the money he and Selena and their two girls lived on. Now that the girls are in middle school, Selena’s earning a bit more. For Tom, this feels like the ideal time to start his own business if he’s ever going to do it. If it fails, he can be back in someone else’s employ before the girls are applying to colleges. If it succeeds the...
