Do you have one of those marriages that just doesn’t feel so great? Nothing’s awful. You’re not in any danger. You don’t really want a new spouse; you just want to feel terrific about the one you married again. When this happens, before you fix the marriage, fix your life. Is there something you love to do that you no longer do? Do 5 minutes of it a day or do it for an...
I learned this from a colleague long ago. It works remarkably well with clients, friends, and spouses. Instead of arguing when you are falsely accused or when someone important to you is making a mountain out of a molehill, try saying something like this: “I really value our relationship. What could I do that would make it right again?” If you get stonewalled (“I can’t...
Almost every weekday morning, I exchange to-do lists and done lists with two Success Team buddies. And almost every Wednesday morning, I break into a grin when I see “Wednesday walk to breakfast.” It’s a special tradition for this woman and her husband, a break in their work days, which start very early. Traditions like this strengthen marriages. They help avoid drifting apart...
I have done a lot of work with positive psychologists, devising ways to use the internet to collect their data or teach what they’ve discovered. One of the most fascinating aspects of this work for me has been the study of character strengths. I see them at work in my marriage and in other folks’ relationships all the time. An example of a character strength is a sense of humor and...
We gave away a bunch of furniture last week. One couple returned three times. I loved watching them. I loved getting rid of some of the extra stuff we just don’t need, but I especially loved their teamwork in maneuvering the larger items out of the house. Not every couple works well as a team. My husband and I, for example, do not. After all these years together, we still cannot guess what...
