Many a marriage has unraveled over the issue of fairness. All we want is for our husbands and wives to do their fair share of the wage-earning, parenting, and chores, right? And it would be a mistake to overlook any shirking, no? No. I contend you cannot even measure your own share, no less your spouse’s. You cannot measure your own contributions because you do plenty that your wife or...
I think just about everyone who reads this blog will enjoy Marriage Confidential: Love in the Post-Romantic Age, which just came out in paperback. In it, author Pamela Haag explores the semi-happy marriage with the compelling writing of a master storyteller armed with a good bit of research. I was sent a copy of this book as part of a blog tour. I found it delightful to read and hard to put down...
Do you have one of those marriages that just doesn’t feel so great? Nothing’s awful. You’re not in any danger. You don’t really want a new spouse; you just want to feel terrific about the one you married again. When this happens, before you fix the marriage, fix your life. Is there something you love to do that you no longer do? Do 5 minutes of it a day or do it for an...
I learned this from a colleague long ago. It works remarkably well with clients, friends, and spouses. Instead of arguing when you are falsely accused or when someone important to you is making a mountain out of a molehill, try saying something like this: “I really value our relationship. What could I do that would make it right again?” If you get stonewalled (“I can’t...
Almost every weekday morning, I exchange to-do lists and done lists with two Success Team buddies. And almost every Wednesday morning, I break into a grin when I see “Wednesday walk to breakfast.” It’s a special tradition for this woman and her husband, a break in their work days, which start very early. Traditions like this strengthen marriages. They help avoid drifting apart...
