Today’s NY Times has a great analysis of the greatly increasing role marriage plays in class inequality in the U.S. Forty years ago, the top and middle income thirds had virtually identical family patterns: more than 95 percent of households with children in either tier had two parents in the home. I grew up very near the bottom of that middle income third, but I grew up with both my...
I never saw it this way before. Maybe you didn’t either. Have you heard of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s research into the state he calls flow? It’s a wonderful state, reached by artists as they create, rock climbers as they climb, writers as they write, mothers as they play with their babies, even by wallpaperers as they transform a room. Jeremy Dean gave a great summary of flow...
“Why doesn’t he lend a hand when I’m obviously overwhelmed?” “How could she spend money on this when we’re trying to save for a house?” “Why can’t he see the consequences of putting this off?” “What is she thinking when she leaves these here instead of putting them away?” In every marriage, good or bad, and quite frequently...
I have noticed a lot of marriage advice for unhappy couples encourages them to reduce each other’s unhappiness. Personally, I never found this model very helpful. There is a time for helping reduce your spouse’s unhappiness, but it’s not while you’re seeing him or her as the cause of your own unhappiness. It’s when you’re happy. It’s when love frees up...
Yesterday, I wrote about how to handle the annoying things your husband does. For two of them, ones that put you in danger, I suggested leaving. Leaving is different from divorcing. Leaving is putting yourself out of harm’s way. It also puts your spouse out of harm’s way, preventing them from injuring or killing their spouse before they regain control over their mind and morals...
