A big part of why people feel the desire to get married and remain married is the very pleasant boost of the neurotransmitter dopamine. New experiences, different from those we’ve previously experienced, and the anticipation of such new experiences both cause the release of dopamine in our brains. Over time, even an enjoyable activity loses its ability to produce dopamine. This is why...
The other day, someone mentioned checking a spouse’s phone, and my hair stood up. What a terrible idea. Let me share some reasons to avoid checking what’s on there unless your husband or wife invites you to do so. Reason 1: Nothing Good Can Possibly Come from This If you’re wondering whether your spouse is cheating on you, and you find no evidence of it on the phone, you know...
Whether it’s because you’re recently retired or laid off or working from home during a pandemic, it’s possible to find yourself suddenly spending a lot more time with your spouse. And at some point, it will stop feeling like a vacation. What can you do about this? First, remember that most of us need some quality time together, one of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. It...
This weekend, I witnessed the spectacular end of a couple living together. She had been trying to make it through the end of the lease, despite knowing she was done with her overbearing, abusive boyfriend. Fortunately, she and her children left with only emotional scars. It made me think about this sea change since I was a teen. Back then, almost everyone got married within a few years of high...
Every healthy marriage manages a balance between independence and interdependence. Research suggests that a bit more than half of us handle this naturally. The rest of us must pay a bit more attention, because it’s not our natural style. Psychologists call the ability to naturally notice and make corrections in this balance a secure attachment style. When you’re both busy doing your...
